On my own!

The other night, I realized I had never seen the world and that, because of it, I was still like a child with no real life experience! So I went out! Right now I'm staying with Mrs. Linde until I can figure out what I want to do, but for now, isn't this exciting!

I've decided I want to travel. I don't have much money but I'm sure I can make some money copying in my spare time and save up so I can go out on my own and see the world.

I told Torvald I would no longer see him or the children again. I know what you're thinking: how could I possibly leave my children? But the thing is is that I need to do this for me! For once in my life I'm not anyone's posession! I am my own person. And I am going to make the most of my freedom!

I'm off to see the world...wish me luck!

My Epiphany

After the dance, Dr. Rank came by to tell us that he was dying and on his way out, he left a letter with two black crosses indicating that he would no longer come around to see us. I was upset, but I had so many other things to worry about, seeing as Krogstad's letter was still in the mail. At this point, I wanted this all to be over with, so I left Torvald in his study to read the mail.

Oh, how much I felt like killing myself, and even thought about how to do it. Then, I thought about just leaving and never returning. Torvald came in in a rage after reading Krogstad's letter. I confessed everything, telling him how much I love him and how I did it all for him. He called me a hypocrite and a liar and blamed me for ruining his life! This is when it came to me...I needed to leave. He refused to let me, saying we needed to pretend nothing happened in order to keep up an appearance, but I didn't care. In the mailbox, there was another letter from Krogstad saying he was willing to put the whole thing behind us.
None of it mattered to me. I needed to get out on my own. So, I went into my room, changed out of my costume, and packed. I told Torvald that he never understood me. I told him that until tonight, I never understood him, either. This was our first serious conversation in all 8 years of our marriage. He loved the image of me: the perfect, obedient, loving wife...but not acutally me.

I walked out and slammed the door behind me.

Christmas Day

Thank goodness Christine came over early to fix my costume! Dr. Rank stopped by while she was here and she automatically assumed that he was the source of my loan...she was wrong.

I decided once more to convince Torvald to give Krogstad his job back...that wasn't successful seeing as he mailed out a letter today dismissing Krogstad.

Dr. Rank came back to tell me that he felt something bad was going to happen. Did he know what the loan I took from Krogstad?...He told me that it was health, though. Thank goodness!
He told me that he didn't have much time to live. I didn't know what else to do, so I decided to flirt with him to see if he could help my problem with Krogstad. But I had no idea he actually loved me. I couldn't possibly ask him to help me now!! He offered to go away forever, but I really do enjoy spending time with him and convinced him to continue coming around the house to keep Torvald company.

Krogstad came around at the worst time possible. I had to quickly shoo Dr. Rank into the other room. He told me that all our problems would be over if Torvald would just promote him...which I told him he will never do. On his way out, he dropped a letter into the mailbox telling Torvald what I had done!...I'm a wreck!! Luckily, Christine came in and offers to speak with Krogstad. She confesses she once had a relationship with Krogstad..so I hope that will help!

The rest of the night, I spent trying to stall Torvald from opening the mail. I made him reteach me the Tarantalla, but I kept messing it up on purpose in order to waste more time.

Uh Oh...

When Torvald came home, he noticed that Krogstad was on his way out. He automatically assumed he wanted me to speak on his behalf...which was kind of true so I went along with it.
To change the subject, I asked him to help me pick out a costume for the party tonight! He had the nerve to tell me that lying corrupts a family, which could possibly be true because my children are NOT corrupted...or are they?

It's Christmas Eve!

Oh what a day! So much happened that I'm surprised I don't collapse from exhaustion right now! But I think I handled it all very well, if I do say so myself. First off I managed to get all of the gifts for the children and I convinced Torvald to give me more money! Hopefully now I can pay off my debt to that evil man Krogstad...but we'll get to that part later!

I had an interesting visitor today: at the same time dear Dr. Rank came in, this woman I did not at first recognize came in and asked to see me. She was so pale and thin, but then I realized it was my poor friend Christine Linde who I haven't seen in forever! The poor girls husband died and now she's all alone. She literally has nothing, no children, no family, and very little money--the poor dear. Thank goodness I don't have to worry about money! When Torvald gets his new job we'll have so much money and I have my three beautiful children! Oh but listen to me, rambling on about my life, back to poor Christine. You know what I did for her? I helped her out! I promised to talk to Torvald about getting her a job at the bank so she'll have money to support herself! And then she called me childish! But I don't blame her because she couldn't possibly know all of the hardships I've been through! I told her all about how I helped Torvald--not only did I feel much better being able to tell someone about it, but she wouldn't dare call me childish if she knew all that I've been through! I told her all about how I got a job and how I should have my debt paid off by the New Year!

And then the worst man who could have possibly came to our home had the nerve to come and talk to Torvald...Krogstad! The man I owe my debt too! But I swiftly avoided that, he went back to talk to Torvald...I hope it's not bad. I think Christine might like him...which is weird considering how cruel he is. But again, we'll get to that later. Then Dr. Rank came in and said how "morally sick" the man was. And I got to eat my macaroons ;)

Then after they left, that...OOOH that awful man came back! And he had the nerve to black mail me into trying to convince Torvald to give him his job back! Not only do I have to pay him back, noo, that's not good enough! I have to get the low-life his job back! Must I do everything around here! I'll have to be sneaky though so Torvald doesn't get suspicious...Oops here he comes now!

Twas the Night before Christmas...Eve

Oh, so much to do tomorrow! Tomorrow is Christmas eve and I haven't started my Christmas shopping for the children. I figured I would start by going to the mall and getting a new dress for Emmy from Macy's. She's been begging to get one. It's so difficult when I don't even know what size she is...she's always with the Nanny and I feel like I never see her. When I am done with that, I will run over to Toys 'R' Us and get a few toys for Bobby and Ivar. I heard there's a new Star Wars toy out that Bobby should be occupied with for several months. Maybe a stuffed animal for Ivar. Torvald could probably just use some new shirts and a Hickey Freeman suit. Somewhere in between all that shopping, I have to run into the bakery and get some macaroons to snack on :-X Those are my little secret.
It's so wonderful now that we have money from Torvald's new position at the bank!