Friday, December 26, 2008

My Epiphany

After the dance, Dr. Rank came by to tell us that he was dying and on his way out, he left a letter with two black crosses indicating that he would no longer come around to see us. I was upset, but I had so many other things to worry about, seeing as Krogstad's letter was still in the mail. At this point, I wanted this all to be over with, so I left Torvald in his study to read the mail.

Oh, how much I felt like killing myself, and even thought about how to do it. Then, I thought about just leaving and never returning. Torvald came in in a rage after reading Krogstad's letter. I confessed everything, telling him how much I love him and how I did it all for him. He called me a hypocrite and a liar and blamed me for ruining his life! This is when it came to me...I needed to leave. He refused to let me, saying we needed to pretend nothing happened in order to keep up an appearance, but I didn't care. In the mailbox, there was another letter from Krogstad saying he was willing to put the whole thing behind us.
None of it mattered to me. I needed to get out on my own. So, I went into my room, changed out of my costume, and packed. I told Torvald that he never understood me. I told him that until tonight, I never understood him, either. This was our first serious conversation in all 8 years of our marriage. He loved the image of me: the perfect, obedient, loving wife...but not acutally me.

I walked out and slammed the door behind me.

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